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Keep you or let you go?

LJ, I have come to realize over the years, that I'm just not the greatest with journaling about my actual life. Everytime I say this time will be different, it's not. And then I remember you six months later. But yet, I still want to hold on to you, randomly posting every few months just to ensure you are alive. I feel like if I lose you, I lose a part of my younger days. But if I lost you, I would be able to forget about things that happened on here that I never want to remember...

Tough call. This is like you're my favorite pair of jeans, that I spent a lot of money on and wore all the time, but it's been years and you don't fit anymore. And you will probably never fit again.

I'm just not JDQ anymore.

And moreso, everyone who knew me as that is gone too--everyone that made me want to be on LJ is gone.


I guess we'll see in five or six months if I remember to update you.

I highly doubt anyone still reads this defunct thing, but if you do, thank you. Thank you for being around, thank you for reading my rambling thoughts, thank you for all the good and the bad. Thank you for all the icon challenges, the graphics, the stories, the JuC/Joshtin days [ ;) ], and all the *NSYNC fandom love. Technology has evolved so much, but I still feel like we held our own on those message boards all those years ago. 

 If you need me, you know where to find me, and if you don't know where to find me then you probably don't need me.

<3 Marissa

Random JC revelation. Oh, hi LJ.

It's crazy LJ. The more I learn about JC, the real JC, the more I realize I would never like him in real life. This is very sad to me. The very opposite about Justin. The more I learn about him, the more I love him. It's my fault really. For the most part, I think I stopped idealizing Justin a long time ago, but not with JC. Lance had that quote from years ago that the entertainment business can be like "... going to Disney World and seeing Cinderella smoking on the backlot, the magic is gone" (random note. Never saw Cinderella smoking on the back lot but I did see Jasmine and Snow White pretty trashed once). It just reminds me of JC.

And you would think I would have learned my lesson from before. Sometimes the more you know about a musician/artist, the worst. It takes away from the music and why you liked them in the first place.

I don't even know why I'm writing about this LJ. You and I see each other once every 5 months, if that. It's just kind of sad to realize the person who... the guy that... someone you gave high respect, adoration, etc too is well... a douchebag.

Atleast there's still Justin.

Feel script font

I've found the font of my heart. It's calle feel script on Veer. Does anyone have this or know where to find it for free??? I need this!

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RIP Rosemary DeYoung

My Aunt Rosemary died tonight.

I'm so nervous that my Grandpa or my Uncle Claude/Aunt Mary Jane will be next and soon. And if it is soon, it will just crush the already broken pieces of my heart from my Grandma passing.

I'm terrified of it.

I'm so sorry I wasn't around as much as I should have been at the beginning of the year.

I'm so sorry.

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MAC must-haves

Yikes! When going through my case I brought for living in Illinois till Mid October I realize I only have like 10 MAC pieces! And all my friends back home know me as "the mac girl"! I think over the years I have either lost or broken too many shadows/blushes (and I did have pink eye once so I threw everything away) and now my collection is nothing. This makes me sad.

So I would like to know your opinions on the TEN must-haves from MAC to even be worthy of calling yourself a MAC addict.

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Michael Jackson RIP

Without Michael this world would be a much, much different place, one that I cannot even imagine. He has influenced me, as well as influenced others who influenced me. This is a very sad, sad event, but his music was all about good times and love and equality. Let's not forget that. Que him up on your ipod or pop in his cd and it will be sure to make you smile.

:( We'll miss you Michael.

I wanted to call my grandma today to ask her how I get the stain out of my white tank top.

And then I realized.

She isn't here.

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One week.

It's been one week and I worked one day, Saturday. Now on Monday I attempt to intergrate back in to normal life. I'm the best repressor I know but I don't want to repress this. I also don't want to cry all the time but that's just how it goes.

I hadn't even thought of what the holidays would bring until a customer mentioned it. Slow process but my outlook only seems partly cloudy. I would feel better if physically the weather outside was a huge storm and it was raining. I need that.

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The aftermath


So Rick wants me to move down to Illinois / St.Louis for the rest of the summer with the option of staying after. I'm so torn. I don't know if I can just leave after all this. What about my mom? My grandpa? And I don't want it to seem like I'm running away.

And there's the other thing of me not having a job when I come back which -- sure the security of it would be nice but it's more of the fact that I really like the people I work with and the atmosphere. But I would understand if I can't get it back. And maybe that would be good cause I could find a job with more hours.

The twins do just make my heart smile and having them around during this definitly helped. A hug from them soothed my heart. So I don't really know. I have to think and make decisions and think about leaving friends to having no friends down there and no free time. Whatever I decide I have to do it soon. By Monday.


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